There is so much going on for me at one time. This boy I have made a commitment to, he has spent the past year trying to get me to commit and now that I do, he is wondering "why now?"
So now he is committed but it doesn't feel secure. I suppose its my fault and bad timing.
Jeremy is all the sudden wondering how I am and so is another old friend. I can't tell what Jeremy's intentions are. Does he want friendship or more than that? And the other old friend? I was pretty sure both of those chapters were closed.
And this new church I went to tonight? The message was centered around John 10:10 which ironically is what my church camp was centered around. That is some sort of sign I think. I do wish they would turn the volume down on the instruments so I could actually think, and I wish they would sing some more familiar songs, but it was an enjoyable experience.
My ex boyfriend was there, it's the same church I used to go to with him. He was the "first love" and he got caught up in drugs. The youth pastor told me that was the longest he had ever stayed for a service. Apparently he usually stays for like half the service or something. I hope things work out for him.
And finally, I wrote about a boy a few entries back who could very well be my soul mate, you know..me in the male version. I met him in Florida, talked with him only one night in person and now he lives a little ways away. His curiosity and intelligence is intriguing. He happened to message me tonight with an "I miss you".
I had to tell him I could not return this feeling. I have committed to this other boy for the right reasons and for me that commitment means all or nothing.
Again, we will be happy by living the right way. Our hands will be held if we open the double doors.
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2 comments:
I'm glad you take commitment seriously, most people don't. In their minds, they're commited until the passion is gone. Like commmitment is nothing withtout passion, which isn't completely true. So many other things go into it, ya know? Patience, even if it's being patient with yourself to find the reasons you chose this person when you're in a rut, rather than noticing your feelings fluctuating and giving up. I could go on, but you're a smart girl. Your heart with be protected with your mind in the write place.
Thats a clever way to put it. People give up on relationships because of lack of passion at times. Thats one of those many things everyone knows deep down, but never consciously say outloud.
You're good.
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