I am a busy girl. Really.
I don't know if I am overlapping into the out of town boyfriend's personal business, but I need to write this one out.
At school, my brain doesn't stop. I get home for about thirty minutes and then head to work until nine and have to somehow get my homework done. Today I didnt get my homework done at work. Why?
Because yet again Derek wanted to talk on the phone.
I have felt alot of pressure from him. I dont like it. Instead of me wanting to talk to him, I feel like its something I have to do. He gets upset when I dont.
But I am busy. At first I didnt talk to him because I was busy. Now I just dont want to.
We started the relationship thinking it would bring us closer to God, but its only taken up more of my scanty time to where I can't ever read.
I told him today we should break up because I am not happy and he can't be happy if he is upset with me all the time, and we are not growing spiritually.
He didn't like this and for some reason we arn't broken up. I stayed on the phone for about four hours listening to him say.. "Don't do this, Kirby. Think about what you're doing.."
The fact is.. I did think about it. I thought about it for the past four days.
So now.. I feel weighed down, unhappy, stressed.
This is not what I signed up for.
But he will not be mature about it if we break up. When I go to nashville to church he will be strange around me, if not mad.
ridiculous.
absurd.
totally stupid.
words that come to mind.
When i realized it was 7 oclock and I had done absolutely zero homework because he had kept me on the phone. I was pissed. So mad, I almost called him to tell him I couldnt take it and we were really done.
But then i realized he prob would not accept it the second time either.
I dont think I can reverse this.
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1 comment:
Kirby,
If he is making you feel this way, it is best to release yourself. I know you realize this, but how can he not take no for an answer? If he's feeling this way-- this anger towards you-- for being emotionally overrun, that's something he'll have to straighten out. and that in itself probably means he needs to take some time apart from everyone else to be alone with God. away from you even. keep the things that keep you strong close, but don't allow other things to make you stumble. he's making you stumble by forcing you to feel this anger.
I think you had the right intention with ending the relationship.. i think you should explain again to him what you need to do, and if he can't accept it.. he'll have to learn how.
use this to make you wiser. have a set time when you can cleanse your mind-- maybe in the morning before school-- where you can just be alone with God. Don't pile too much stuff in your load to the point where that's all you see. don't miss the things God has in store for you because you're too busy.
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