I am having severe trouble with some Student Government members. There is attitude all over the place. I can be joking and they are upset at me. I really just want them to be nice to me. Just.. nice. Thats all I will say on the subject.
Also, I love learning. I never liked the social studies genre, but I have fallen in love with my Government class. And I have never liked English either, but The Allegory of the Cave by Plato really drew me in.
I am trying to use this power of now method to watch how I am feeling. It is just not that good. I took this weekend to just do nothing, to relax. But it left me feeling depressed because I did not go out with friends or anything. Why do we humans care to be accepted? I keep falling into this worry, this worry that I am not liked. I do my best to be very nice and help people. But when it comes down to it I like to help people. . So.. Why am I worried if they like me?
I feel almost stuck in the .. inbetween..... there are two different groups in the highschool that I can see.. 1. the lets party group, that ive always been stuck in on weekends. and 2. the intellectual group, the one that im with during most of the school day. .. the first group is fun and random and hysterical in its own way, and the second group is the same in another. But I am not all the way in one or the other. So the 1 group has its regulars, and the 2 group has its regulars.. and I oscillate back and forth..
For the longest time I have been great being sort of a loner these past two months, since that JP night this summer. But .. now.. the whole human nature thing.. the acceptance thing.. yuck.
I also want to work on.. blending in. They say that is the way to be most successful as a teenager. And no I dont mean blend in as in be average on the inside. But I guess just.. not so bold. Dont underline myself, dont.. throw out a red flag.
For the first time I can ever remember, I am having acceptance problems. It's strange to me.
I guess I am sort of throwing up my arms asking someone to save me.. and I am not being able to see God's lifeline yet.
I did however get information about the fall retreat my church camp church is going on. I believe I am going to go.
In the mean time.. I have a whole lot of preparing to do for the month of october, I have the SAT and the ACT to take.. and a whole lot of applying to colleges and scholarships. And homecoming is right before all of this..
Overwhelming.. thats why the power of now is going to ...under..whelm me.
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i don't think you should be so concerned about how others view you. its nice that you can go back and forth.. that everyone seems to like you. but if you're talking you need someone to just constantly be there.. well maybe you're just looking in the wrong places. maybe these people you've known for so long aren't the answer. highschool to me is just something i must do to get where im going. i know the people at our school, for the most part, don't care about much of anything. i don't care if those people remember me. you've grown up faster than most your age. i think you need an older age group. one that can just help you relax.
and if you do get bored and feel lonely on the days you're trying to keep low key, blog up.. or hint something on facebook. im sure ill see, and ill be open to chat. sometimes you really just need someone to talk to.
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