Got a CAT scan & I had money on my mind

I feel like a hippy with the Power of Now book stuck in my head. I am really focusing on practicing it especially during times of stress.

I will add the following things to anyone who reads this to clear up some misconceptions people are making (at least according to a non reliable source):

-I am a virgin
-I broke up with Ian due to lies he made and nothing else.
-I really wont bite
-I enjoy hanging out with creative people (that consists of anyone who is creative)

So particularly the first and second thing listed.. pay close attention to those. There are (supposedly) wild rumors going around that "the homecoming queen gave Ian the 'royal treatment' after the homecoming dance" and that I broke up with Ian for all these crazy happenings. I am here to say none of them happened.
It's nice to have this blog to write this into, because at school, if people say these things about me.. I don't usually say anything unless it is directed at me. I know who I am and what I have experienced. They can pretend they know everything about me.

My mother and I just had a yelling tennis match. She started a conversation off with "You may not be happy at Vanderbilt because we don't have as much money as some of the people you will meet will have."
It sounded like.. keep your options open, you won't be happy at Vanderbilt because of money.

I understand she could have just been meaning it in a harmless way ( I could have implemented the Power of Now here but when she starts yelling sometimes I cant control it. Something I need to learn)


First of all, I have a slim chance of going to Vandy, but regardless, if I go there or not, money will be an issue at any college. It is already an issue in high school.

She said I may feel happier at UT Knox with my sister.

Kill me now if I EVER base a decision regarding happiness off of other peoples' money.
If I had money, my problems would not be solved, I could still find ways to be unhappy. Money cannot cure the world.

Lack of money is stressful at times. But it won't ever be the cause of my downfall.

Paradigm Shift....

It turns out there's a little bit of hypocrite to everyone. I've realized something I already knew: Doing the right thing is a constant struggle.
I went to church yesterday for the first time in a while and an analogy was used for judging others:
A man walks into your house and your children are doing something that in the man's house would be breaking rules. He then chastises your children and punishes them in your own house for doing what would be breaking rules in his. Doesn't sound fair.
I suppose it's not our place to scold others according to our opinions. God sets the rules you know??
So again I regret using the word hypocrite in my last blog. However, I do feel like I did the right thing by talking to the friend. I feel it did some good.

I also know that I myself have a few "kinks" to work out as far as being a hypocrite goes. It's natural for humans to crave unwholesome things, but it's not ok to not fight against them.

The new guy I am dating and I have had a few kinks also. He has exaggerated a few things in order to impress me. He did apologize and admit to them, but after a while a lot of little things add up, and it's not so cute anymore. You wonder..do I really know this person?

I was discussing this same conversation with him last night when we turned onto Memphis Arl to see a white car of some sort in the ditch and the whole emergency paraphernalia: you know, the ambulance, firetruck, police, all the lights..

That looks like Jeremy's Maxima

But Ian says.. is that your parents? I called them and panicked a teeny bit when they didn't answer on the first try, but another ring and they were home safe..

I asked Ian to pull up closer and I asked, "Is that a maxima?" I got out and started running towards it and there I saw Jeremy. He and I have not been on speaking terms for about a month.

I realized.. He should have died, his car had to have flipped more than once. There were trees everywhere that he could have hit, and if there had been an oncoming car...
He could have been gone forever and there was still unfinished business between us.

I'm not sure what that business is, but I do know he and I were not "friends" after being best friends for about three years. I believe that was a sign of needy reconciliation.
Yes, so last night was quite the emotional rollercoster for me.

Kelsey came home to help move. She has a story to relate to everything regarding her sorority and college life. She is not that different. Slightly more mature, but still has alot of figuring out to do (but then again don't we all).

I feel like something is missing right now.. can't put my finger on it. Yes Jeremy and I have some friendship holes.. but I felt it yesterday before I happened to drive up on his wreck. Some sort of paradigm shift is taking place. I knew it was happening with the election of Obama but I'm starting to think it's the whole universe shifting.