Something might be wrong with my mother. I decided to do the Tiger Queen Pageant at school for fun. I signed up on Friday. I told my mom I wanted to sing and play guitar for my talent and that it was for fun, not to win.
My mother found out it was a scholarship competition and wants me to go for it. I didn't realize this would be such a problem. I just want to have fun.
The first negative thing she said was, you could always read a poem for your talent. And yes I like writing poetry so I took it into consideration, but the only realy reason I wanted to be in the pageant was to perform something.
My mom keeps coming to me basically saying she doesn't think I will be able to perform. Yes I know I have short amount of time to pull it off, but I have never needed anyone to tell me I could or couldn't do it. I am not stupid. I am not going to do something if I don't think I can do it.
She told me she didn't think I'd get into Vanderbilt, nor be happy there. And now she is tellin me I won't be able to pull off playing guitar.
And now its all in my subconscious that I won't be able to do it. It's just really discouraging having someone continually telling you you won't be able to do something.
I can not believe her. She is so ambitious to win this thing. I told her to not come. I don't want someone to be there to not support me.
I just want to have fun.
And now I am feeling incredibly lonely. Again. Human characteristic that is inescapable. Sometimes I find myself wishing I would fall in love to prove my self wrong that it isn't real. I sometimes think we make it up. But I have to remind myself that life IS what we make it.
Sometimes you just want someone to save you.
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4 comments:
i think everyone needs saving sometimes. i know that i do. i went through my dad telling me i wouldn`t be able to accomplish something. he said that he doubted i would graduate; that i would fail my senior year and be back in high school again. it hurts when people you love and trust tell you that you won`t. that you can`t. as long as you believe in yourself then everything will be fine. i got accepted to three colleges and though i`m not at the very top of our class i will graduate with a lovely gpa and some scholarship money. it`s all about faith and you are a very strong person so just keep doing what you have been doing.
i see youve started a blog as well. it helps when you want to talk and not bother someone. i suppose you are Rest easy bcause you signed one of your blogs be easy and also have some characteristics of my blog as well. congratz on proving people wrong.
Haha, sorry but that wasn't me.. it was a nice blog comment though.
RE.
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