Im ill, not sick.

I learned of the Appalachian Mountain Trail today. Kerr said he backpacked on it when he was 19 and it took him 5 1/2 months. I want to do it. Just when? I could just do a portion of it and go a summer, but I would rather do the whole thing and drop life until I finish.

I would need a boy to go though just for protection reasons.

I have noticed that all of my stress from high school has been a choice. Took me til my senior year to figure it out, but at least I figured it. I either like stress, or I like the activities that stress me out so much that I choose to take the good with the bad (the activities with the stress). But I finally realize, I can either drop those "activities" or I can change my attitude about it to "If I meet my dead line, cool, if not, I'm not dead." haha always a silver lining to any situation.

I have lost a portion of motivation to meet deadlines, though. Haha maybe college should have waited to tell me I have been accepted.

I have also shifted my attitude about friends. I have longed for stability and to find a close friend, but I realized that maybe life would be alot more "light" , "less grave" if I actually followed that advice "live every moment to the fullest". you know, enjoy the time you have with people.
So that's what I have been doing I think.
enjoying people's company. theres no rule that says you have to have someone attached at your hip, but maybe that's what marriage will be. "your other half"

Ive been thinking about the effects of drugs on the mind lately. haha not doing drugs, but how they shift mind patterns. you can find people on you tube who talk about doing DMT and LSD and etc.. and they speak of different perceptions.
People say.. what they see is not real. But to me, I think everything we all do is just.. perceptions. What you see is real, except some visions can not physically change the world as we know it. I'm not explaining this well, because there are exceptions to my theory such as mirages, etc.
Its just when I start thinking of our neurons firing in our brains to produce certain images, I also can't help but think about those people who have seen ghosts. (call me crazy but I have seen 2. seriously, call me crazy, I know what I saw.) Not everyone present could have seen it, but that's why I am convinced that our brains open up portals to again.. different levels of consciousness, the spiritual world being one of them. It's some what like 3 D glasses in a 3 D movie. If you aren't wearing them, then you don't see some things the same way.
People have caught glimpses in other levels of consciousness.

Da Vinci did. He tapped into the future by oscillating on a separate frequency with his drawings of helicopters and such.

People, again, call me crazy, but the supernatural is fascinating.

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another thought I had today:
Kerr explained he is a nature guy, but he also goes hunting.
I love animals, but I wouldn't mind hunting either. With this, I realized I am always thinking.. what category do I fall in? I should pick a hobby and fall die hard into it. Some people have these definite things they are awesome at.. their thing is art, their thing is sports.. etc. but i like too much stuff, I can't figure out my category. And I came to terms with myself today. It's ok. I don't have to be committed to anything. That IS who I am: versatility.

I had an enlightening day.